get me out of here.

Today I can finally say I’m finished with the most influential book I’ve ever read.  Searching at Goodwill for a filing cabinet, to hopefully help organize my not so organized boyfriend, I stumbled upon the book isle.  In no sort of order I was positive I wasn’t going to find anything worthwhile, but the clearance sign had me certainly intrigued.  It wasn’t long before I had an arm full of books ranging all over the spectrum.  One book in particular caught my eye.  A young woman sat on the cover looking distressed with the title above her head that read “get me out of here”.  Leaving Goodwill with several odd items that didn’t include a filing cabinet (that always seems to happen), I had no idea what journey the .50 cents spent was about to take me on.  It took me no time to sit down on the couch and indulge in this woman’s struggle with an often over looked mental illness known as borderline personality disorder.  Within the first few pages I found myself relating with this estranged woman in more ways than one.  It was easy to feel a bit “crazy” at times, especially through my struggle accepting my adoption and my most recent disaster, my failed marriage.  Although many of her issues were different and much more severe, I was already obsessed with the fact that my depressive and unpredictable states could be associated with someone else’s foreign issues.   I found myself with a highlighter in hand, taking notes of anything and everything this woman felt that had ever crossed my mind for even a split second.  In many ways it was comforting to know my brain wasn’t the only one that struggled, but I quickly was reminded that I wasn’t connecting with a friend, this was a mental illness I was reading about.  Before I knew it, the entire book had taken over my life (Anthony even threatened throwing it away).  I would sometimes struggle to fall asleep at night because I desired to know more about her illness.  Several nights were spent sitting up on the couch with a dim light reading in hopes of this woman finding some sort of hope.  I decided one day to have a beer while reading about this “mentally insane” woman.  One beer turned into 5, which turned into mixed drinks, which turned into a very drunken 2 hour phone conversation with my mother about how I felt this book was literally making me insane.  I had begun my journey with this woman the very first page I read, and there was no turning back.  As I read on, I became increasingly aware of my true internal feelings, and how I wanted to learn to better express those feelings without being in an uncontrollable funk all the time.  Although I’m no doctor, and therefore can’t diagnose myself with any type of mental illness, I was incredibly surprised by what an impact this book had on my life over the past month.  I may not be able to say I have borderline personality disorder, but this woman’s struggle and ability to overcome a huge personal battle gave me optimism that I too could overcome anything thrown my way.  I hope to one day write about my silly struggles to in turn back up the idea that everything happens for a reason and overcoming any depressive situation is possible with the right outlook on life.  With that being said, I am MORE than thrilled to be able to put this book behind me, but have a new found interest and appreciation for those struggling with any mental illness.  So Read If You Dare : ) 

On a side note, I begin my full time position tomorrow at a local daycare working with the adorable two year olds and I can’t wait.  I’ve found my best coping mechanism is staying busy.