day by day.

days fly by and nothing tends to change. i seem to have less time to do things I enjoy and more lines added to the to do list of "getting my life back on track".  but tonight I feel rather different, I actually feel OKAY with it all.  nothing is ever going to be perfect, and for some reason theres a part of me that is disappointed with myself and with all of my imperfections.  when society is telling you one way of doing something, and your life just isn't following along, what is one to do? take life day by day. i'm going to have the ups and downs, i'm going to be sad some days and unexplainably happy others.  i have dreams and i'm determined to reach those dreams and that's all that should really matter to me.  i hate wasting days without a smile on my face trying my best to keep up with it all.  relaxation and happiness is a part of life so many of us miss out on, and i've never been willing to do so, that is until REAL life slapped me in the face and had to spend every waking moment putting it all back together the best i could.  i'm a long way away from being where i'd like to be, but ya know what?  i'm okay with it.  i don't need to have a 9-5 job holding me down right now, i don't need to have more money then i know what to do with (would it be nice? of course, but things work out differently for different people) this was all in my plan.  i'll stay as positive as possible, and walk down my own road. i'll be impulsive and probably make many more stupid mistakes. but i promise to learn, enjoy, and flourish from lifes bumps. because when my road comes to and end, i want to look back on it and say...sure i could have possibly been the dumbest 23 year old i knew but having fun was always in my vocabulary and a smile never left my face. : )

so although our lives may be different. yours may be working out just as you had planned, and that's wonderful.  but when you look at me don't wonder, just know...my life is anything but boring.

inspire me.

"People think a soul mate is your perfect fit and that’s what everyone wants. But a true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that is holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life. A true soul mate is probably the most important person you’ll ever meet, because they tear down your walls and smack you awake. But to live with a soul mate forever? Nah. Too painful. Soul mates, they come into your life just to reveal another layer of yourself to you, and then leave. A soul mates purpose is to shake you up, tear apart your ego a little bit, show you your obstacles and addictions, break your heart open so new light can get in, make you so desperate and out of control that you have to transform your life…"
- Elizabeth Gilbert; Eat, Pray, Love

No, alcohol isn’t the answer, but it sure as hell makes you forget about the question.

The woman who follows the crowd will usually go no further than the crowd. The woman who walks alone is likely to find herself in places no one has ever seen before.

Tough times don't last,
 but tough people do; 
fuck your past, but don't 
let your past fuck you.

keeeeeep it comin'

King Of Anything

I would have a full blown dream about how my ex and I got back together last night, waking up with a smile on my face I was quickly reminded that I have to go to the post office to pay for postage to send my dissolution papers back in.  What a way to start the day.

never give up. stay strong and push through. theres always a light at the end of the tunnel. but until that light is found.. tears will be shed, hearts will ache, and confusion will take over the brain.

 

attempting to stay positive...

 

Not only does this song get me grovin' this morning, but I question the same thing.
Who died and made you KING of anything?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eR7-AUmiNcA


have a fabulous day.

secrets within.

i tend to keep my life a secret, even from myself at times.  i've found it easier to ignore reality, then to face it head on and attempt to find closure.  possibly because closure isn't at all what my fairy tale ending would entail. my life was recently flipped upside down.  i went from planning my future, to not understanding my present. i can barely come to terms with the term divorce.  it wasn't in the plan and who knows if i'm strong enough to stray away from "what's supposed to be".  so here I am being honest...i'm DEVASTATED.  through the tears that are blinding my sight, that's as far as i can get tonight.  i said it. it's over and i'm devastated.


goodnight world.

Quicky.

motiviated.
to make a change.
break down the walls of this society.
overcome the negative in order to make positive.
<3

today. yesterday. and tomorrow. i vow to become a better person.
just a thought or two based on an experience that happened last night.

 

a new day : )

I'm happy to be awake early enough to enjoy a little bit of sunshine before i have to stuff my face, run some water through my hair, and hit the road to allow enough time for my 40 mins construction filled drive to work.  I tend to have nights where my emotions are all over the place.  My brain and heart are a tangled mess lately therefore i burst into tears with a little bit of sappy background music in the background.  My life is like a black and white slide show with a different emotion clearly showing on each slide. Bipolar, maybe?  Or else I'm just going through a difficult time and therefore don't have the stability of a normal human being.  Either way, today, I yet again am reminded that tomorrow is a new day, and I've woken up with an uncontrollable love for life and drive to succeed.  So although my problems haven't been magnified on here, it's only a matter of time.  The slideshow doesn't stop, and tears will soon enough soak my t-shirt again and four day old mascara will run down my face.  At that point, my soul will be vulnerable and you may find what I have to say interesting.  Until then though just know I'm ready to have a fabulous HAIR day (as my greatly missed coworkers would say at creative images) : )

it all has to begin somewhere.

welcome. i guess. : ) i'm not certain on how to use this, nor do i know if even one of the millions of bloggers will ever read this, but i find a sense of security knowing this is a place i can come to express every inch of my being without judgement.  let's see how it goes, join me on this journey we all call life, cause baby this is only the beginning.